"Homo Loquacious"

Human beings are not rational. "Homo Sapiens" is the wrong classification - "Homo Loquacious" is more accurate. Most of us do nothing but constantly jabber meaningless drivel.

It's 8:03 AM, I'm getting on the train. Half of my fellow commuters are talking on their cellphones. What the hell are they talking about, and with whom? They just left the house TEN minutes ago!

What has happened in the 10 previous minutes that they need to call and tell someone? JUST SHUT UP, already!

The person you are talking to probably feels as I do.

You want an example? Go here OverheardInNY to get your fill of drivel.

And JUST SHUT UP already!

And it's not that easy

"And it's not that easy to buy an atomic bomb."

"That might stop amateurs."

Anyone who studies history...

 

"Anyone who studies history eventually comes up against the same cruel irony ... Man has probably spent more time killing his fellows 'in God's name' than for any other single reason... I know He loves us, but we must be a terrible disappointment to Him from time to time."

If all of this sounds familiar....

...it's because it is.

Figure it out yet?

History does not record

"History does not record anywhere at any time a religion that has any rational basis. Religion is a crutch for people not strong enough to stand up to the unknown without help. But, like dandruff, most people do have a religion and spend time and money on it and seem to derive considerable pleasure from fiddling with it."

Small change

"Small change can often be found under seat cushions."

What a wonderful world

"What a wonderful world it is that has girls in it!"

A poet...

"A poet that reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits."

A generation...

"A generation which ignores history has no past - and no future."

Nursing

"Nursing does not diminish the beauty of a woman's breasts; it enhances their charm by making them look lived in and happy. "

A "pacifist male"

"A 'pacifist male' is a contradiction in terms. Most self-described 'pacifists' are not pacific; they simply assume false colors. When the wind changes, they hoist the Jolly Roger."

Most "scientists"

"Most 'scientists' are bottle washers and button sorters."

Delusions

"Delusions are often functional. A mother's opinions about her children's beauty, intelligence, goodness, et cetera ad nauseum, keep her from drowning them at birth.""

A fake fortuneteller

"A fake fortuneteller can be tolerated. But an authentic soothsayer should be shot on sight. Cassandra did not get half the kicking around she deserved."

It has long been known

"It has long been known that one horse can run faster than another - but which one? Differences are crucial."

If

" If it can't be expressed in figures, it's not science; it is opinion."

There

"There is no conclusive evidence of life after death. But there is no evidence of any sort against it. Soon enough you will know. So why fret about it?"

Get a shot off

"Get a shot off fast. This upsets him long enough to make your second shot perfect."

Always

"Always listen to experts. They'll tell you what can't be done, and why. Then do it."

Any

"Any priest or shaman must be considered guilty until proved innocent."

Figure it out yet?

Have y'all figured it out yet?

Certainly

"Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet you can't win."

Men

"Men are more sentimental than women. It blurs their thinking."

By the data to date

"By the data to date there is only one animal in the galaxy dangerous to man - man himself. So he must supply his own competition. He has no enemy to help him."

Always

"Always store beer in a dark place."